I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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