you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
