Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
