No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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