exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
