I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
