I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
