i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
