She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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