you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i think my cat just said my name.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
