she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
