there's paper in my vomit.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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