god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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