Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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