You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
