I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
