You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize