I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize