This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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