I wish I could teleport
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
