i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
