I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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