Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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