Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
