and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
