ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
