I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
