it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
