no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
