: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
