At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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