Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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