OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
