Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
