i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
