does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
