Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Boobs speak an international language.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
