Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
