Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize