One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
