Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
