New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
