I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize