I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
