why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
