I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
