Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
