I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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