and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
