Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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