Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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