I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
