Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
