You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
