On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
