My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
