She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
