My friends, they love my intelligence
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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