stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
