Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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