dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
