im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
