i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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