I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
