sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize