A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
