Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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