You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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