I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
