Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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