i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
